Commendable crime

When heading off to jail, it’s best to commit a crime that will provide you with a manly story to tell your fellow inmates, something a little more desperado-like than, say, knee-capping a rival figure skater. Working as a hired gun for the Mafia always sounds good…

Armored car heists always have a nice ring to them. And even if you’re not quite up to something this ambitious, you can still trot out the old resisting arrest.

Unfortunately, Robert T. Jenkins now sits in jail with probably the worst criminal tale ever. He was arrested at a Wal-Mart in Canton, Ohio for peeing on steaks. Yes, you heard that right.

Cops were called to the store after Jenkins simply walked up to the meat counter, pulled out his manly apparatus — which we hope isn’t capable of reproduction — and begin peeing on the steak selection.

No one seems to know why he did it, unless he was practicing a bold new form of marinating.